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Week 12: An Update

libxc09@aim.com — 2010-08-05T18:04:42-04:00

Mercedes and Orlando now spend the entire day with access to the same space, which means anywhere in the house they want to go. For Orlando, that means the entire house. For Mercedes, it generally means just the upstairs. She rarely dares to initiate a trip down the steps because Orlando invariably sees this as an invasion of his territory. He responds by aggressively chasing her back up the steps where a fierce battle ensues with Mercedes growling and yowling in distress.
We separate them with squirts from a water bottle, always aimed at Orlando the aggressor. He flees for a moment or two, returns and resumes peaceful behavior. Mercedes, meantime, lives unhappily with his constant intimidating presence.
When possible we try to arrange times of separation. Mercedes is an indoor/outdoor cat. Now that warm weather has come, she is eager to go outside and we allow it as much as possible. Orlando has become fond of the sunporch and we let him go out there, shutting the door behind him, giving Mercedes a breather when she’s in the house.
Mercedes’ peaceful home has been invaded by a very unwelcome yellow presence. She surely realizes that Orlando is no longer a visitor but a resident. A despised resident.
So conflict interrupts times of relative peace. Conflict is more the exception than the rule, but we think this is the way things are going to be for the rest of their days. We want to be more intentional about giving them separate spaces for as many hours per day as possible, but we gave up on installing barriers within the house or locking one of them in a room.
It does not appear that two grown cats can learn to appreciate each other. The feline instincts to territorialism are just too strong. When Orlando walks past Mercedes without incident, it is almost invariable because she stands her ground, not growling or moving. But just let her move and the chase is on. But she has a right to free movement within her own house. But Orlando will not extend to her the very thing he takes for granted.
We continue to learn just how self-absorbed cats can be.

Week 7: An Update

libxc09@aim.com — 2010-07-29T10:27:00-04:00

Here we are at week 7 and there’s relative peace. But the peace is relative — relative to whatever mood Orlando is in and the willingness of Mercedes to bear with his excesses.
First, a quick review since the last post. The upstairs cat/downstairs cat arrangement worked quite well. For a while. The cats lived largely separate existences. To be sure, Mercedes appreciated this more than Orlando. She enjoyed the fact that he could not get in her face whenever he wanted. He lived somewhat grudgingly with having to stay downstairs most of the time, except at night, when he slept on our bed.
But the arrangement broke down less than a week ago when Orlando finally figured out that he was strong enough to climb over the gate that previously had kept the two apart. Once he figured that out there was no keeping them apart. He scaled the gate at will, both going and coming. So we have removed it and returned to the old arrangement of putting him in a bedroom and closing the door. This we do, however, only when we are not here and don’t want Orlando to take advantage of our absence by harassing Mercedes at will.
So now, for the most part, they have no barriers between them. He still chases her off the chair she often makes her bed. She still spends more time than we’d like hunkered down under a hutch where he can’t quite get at her. But she does venture out into the open when he is not in sight, and he, perhaps more than before, just walks past her without provocation.
Can’t say that we are much closer to the kind of peaceful coexistence we’d like to see. But we haven’t had any obvious setbacks. Enjoy the photos that follow:

Mercedes prepares to defend her turf

Not quite playing together, but close

Orlando showing off

Upstairs cat; downstairs cat

libxc09@aim.com — 2010-07-22T09:32:49-04:00

When Mercedes and Orlando are in the same room at the same time it is only a matter of time before he will invade her space. Most of the time a hiss and growl from Mercedes will convince him to walk away. But some of the time, he ignores the warning and moves in to completely disturb her peace. And then they disturb our peace.
We aren’t talking about mortal combat. We’re talking about him flushing her into the opening and giving chase, and her finally turning to stand her ground, hair on end, yowling and hissing and, lately, moaning in utter distress. When this happens several times in a day, Mercedes is, by evening, a complete emotional wreck. She won’t even let us touch her. She seems to go through a period of post-traumatic stress disorder, and we’re afraid it will become a permanent condition.
So we have separated them, for the most part. For now, Mercedes is the upstairs cat; Orlando is the downstairs cat.

Mercedes the upstairs cat

Orlando the downstairs cat

A toddler’s gate at the top of the stairs separates them. Except for occasional times when we take the gate down, they have no more contact than they mutually agree on — peering at each other from a safe distance. And when together, we try to keep it from getting so bad that Mercedes moans in distress.

Checking out the competition

We’d hoped for better. It may still come. But for now, Mercedes has a right to some peace. And Orlando has lots of love to give, and we are happy to receive it. Downstairs.

Moving right along, seeking some space

libxc09@aim.com — 2010-07-15T17:30:00-04:00

Mercedes and Orlando are settling in to a pattern of occasional unpleasant interaction followed by seeking distance from each other.
The other night they got into their worst tangle, by far. It was like Orlando had finally had enough of her rejection and he just lit into her. It wasn’t a bloody fight, by any means, but still, we had to separate them. We grabbed Orlando and took him to the bedroom, where he slunk under the bed, as if to say he knew he’d done wrong. An hour later, when we went to get him out of the room, he had to be coaxed out from under the bed, meowing in response, as if to say he was sorry.
Mercedes, for her part, seemed to quickly get over it. She did not hunker down under a table or back herself into a corner. She was soon out and about in the house. When we brought them back together later, she did not immediately run for safety. She hissed and dared him to try it again. He didn’t.
So, we’ve decided to give them a bit more separation during the day when we are there. (They are always separated at night and when we aren’t present). So we bought a child gate and created a barrier between the upstairs and the downstairs. We keep Orlando downstairs and Mercedes upstairs most of the day. We do let the mingle for half an hour at a time and, so far, they’ve avoided any tangles.
We still see no reason, however, to believe they’ll ever be friends.

At the 3 Week Mark

libxc09@aim.com — 2010-07-08T08:40:04-04:00

We have all established a certain routine. On our part, we allow Orlando and Mercedes to be “out and about” in the house for most of the daylight hours…when we are here. We put Orlando in the bedroom when he becomes too aggressive in trying to entice Mercedes to play with him. He also spends each night in the bedroom to insure that we all get to sleep without feline interruption.
Mercedes’ routine is pretty much defined by spending hours each day by the coal stove downstairs, where she can insure that Orlando doesn’t come at her from the back or sides. She abhors it when he finds her undefended and can get her to run. She acts like a hapless calf in a rodeo, kept from escaping by a skilled horse and rider. Orlando has forced her into a cowering position in the middle of the room several times by his superior speed and size. He doesn’t want to fight her or hurt her. He is simply playing. She, of course, is not.
But speaking of play, we gave Orlando as brown paper grocery bag the other day and he amused himself for at least an hour.

Orlando the grocery store item

We set out a second bag for Mercedes, but she only sniffed at it. She much preferred to sit on a lap and watch Orlando. Maybe some day she will join in the fun.

Mercedes the spectator

It seems that when Orlando gets bored, he goes after Mercedes. For a short while the other day, we had them both in the same room and got them both to play with a string. They watched each other with interest.
Mercedes continues to hiss and growl, sometimes loudly, when Orlando gets too near. She has raised the volume because he is less deterred than he used to be. He will get nose-to-nose with her, and that is much too close for her sensibilities.
But Mercedes does not seem traumatized. When we put him away, she quickly reappears in the open to eat or whatever. She seems to sense when he is in the bedroom and not a threat. We don’t want her to have to put up with him 24 hours a day yet. Not sure we’ll ever actually get to that. But they are both handling the time together for now. Mercedes would consider it a victory if he would simply ignore her. Victory for him is to make her his friend. He has already succeeded in this with us, his new owners.

Calm in daylight;wild after dark

libxc09@aim.com — 2010-07-01T17:00:00-04:00

There was a remarkable development today. Mercedes spent almost the entire day on a chair in the living room and did not panic when Orlando approached. Their noses almost touched once or twice. Mercedes hissed only infrequently. The following photo shows the arrangement.

Orlando and Mercedes
But as evening approached, Orlando got horsey and wanted to play. He chased Mercedes around until we captured him and put him in the bedroom. He calmed down and we let him out for a while. He’s mostly behaving. He’ll go back in the bedroom before we go to bed.

"I don't like this one bit!"

libxc09@aim.com — 2010-06-24T12:11:00-04:00

......Last night we left Orlando’s door open but with the “gate” across the opening. Ten minutes after getting in bed, we heard a significant thud on the floor above us. We rushed up the steps, prepared to find that Orlando had torn the gate down. He hadn’t, but he’d obviously tried. The gate was askew, but not quite enough for him to get out of the room. We removed it and closed the door.
......This morning, while Mercedes was in another bedroom, we let Orlando out for a 30-minute window of opportunity to further explore the house. During this time, we strengthened the gate and devised a better way of securing it with bungee cords.

Orlando behind bars

......After Orlando was returned to his room, we let Mercedes out. She eventually made her way upstairs when we weren’t looking and obviously cast a glance toward Orlando’s door, undoubtedly saw him there, and went and hunkered down under an end table. For the last half hour she has been at our feet, showing no desire to explore Orlando’s presence.
......Mercedes can be playful, even by herself. At the moment, however, she is solemn and seems confused. Another cat is in her house and she betrays no signs of joy over it. Just the opposite, in fact.
......We are not surprised that Mercedes is keeping her distance from Orlando’s gate. Her territory has been invaded and we — her beloved owners — are complicit. She clearly does not like this.
......We wonder if anything could be gained by us reversing the situation and placing Mercedes in the room and allowing Orlando to roam free. Does anyone have any thoughts about that?

"Get Me Outta Here!"

libxc09@aim.com — 2010-06-17T11:52:00-04:00

......Orlando has had it with being cooped up in the guest bedroom. Every time we enter the room, he has his nose at the door. We have to push him back quickly. He has not yet become combative about getting out of the room, but we can anticipate that moment will soon arrive.
......This morning it took no small effort to get into the room without him getting out. It required an even greater effort to get out of the room without him following. Twice, we put him on the bed, threw the covers over him, and bolted for the door. Twice, he streaked out from under the covers a nano-second behind us. We weren’t fast enough.
So, we picked Orlando up, walked to the door, opened it slightly, tossed him to the far side of the bed and, while he was still in midair, opened the door and got out.
......And there stood Mercedes. She had to have some sense of what was going on. We feel sure she has heard Orlando meow and that she may have seen him during those times when the door was briefly open. She does not run away. She does not appear spooked. But she must know that something involving another cat is going on.
......We were both away most of the day, so it wasn’t until early evening that we made one more attempt to sequester Mercedes while Orlando received another opportunity to familiarize himself with the rest of the house. It went well.
Some time after this, we decided it was now time to let Mercedes and Orlando have a visual sighting of each other. We turned one of those closet shelves you can get at Lowes on end and clamped it to the door to Orlando’s room and then fastened the shelf to the door jam. This created a jail-like barrier in the open doorway. The width is about one foot.
Orlando, of course, stood in the doorway, peering out at Mercedes, who was maybe 10 feet away. Mercedes crouched low and stared intently at Orlando. After a few minute she crept closer, but still stayed about six feet away from the door. The two cats stared at each other for about five minutes.
......Noise from one of us walking around startled Mercedes and she ran away. She periodically returned to a spot offering her a line-of-sight to the doorway and watched for a few minutes at a time. When startled by noise from one of us, she would walk quickly away and crouch behind a piece of furniture before eventually returning to a spot from which she could see Orlando.
......But Orlando was often nowhere to be seen. He tired rather quickly of the game and jumped up on the bed to lounge. A few times over the course of three hours he appeared in the doorway, meowing once or twice, and then disappearing from sight.
......Our goal was to allow safe visual contact between the two cats. It is much too early to let Orlando out. Mercedes will surely freak out. We want them to get used to each other before there is the chance of physical contact.
Our goal accomplished, we left the door open before we retired for bed.

Taking Turns Being In Charge

libxc09@aim.com — 2010-06-10T09:00:00-04:00

......Orlando was Mr. Eager Beaver to get out of his room today. He has begun to meow loudly enough for us to hear him. If Mercedes hears it, she has shown no evidence of it. We have never seen her standing in front of the door to his room acting curious or even interested.
......In response to his meowing at around eight this morning, we went to the room and he was standing right at the door. One of us went in, pushing him back, while the other coaxed Mercedes into another room. Once secured there, we let Orlando out for about an hour. He roamed freely throughout the house while we did other things. When it was time to put him away, he finally appeared out of nowhere and was easily coaxed into his bedroom with a snack.
......Mercedes, being freed from her confinement, showed no awareness that anything was wrong. She went to the kitchen to make sure her food was there, then kinda walked around with no apparent purpose. Later we found her in the loft asleep on the bed there.
......We repeated the scenario later in the afternoon, confining Mercedes and giving Orlando free rein of the house. When Mercedes re-emerged, she acted like nothing was wrong. If she is aware of another cat in the house, she is showing no signs of it to us.
......This all seems to be going well. Orlando’s boldness to explore the house increases each day. We think we are now only a day or two away from allowing them an opportunity to see each other from a safe distance. Probably not tomorrow — we will be much too busy. But maybe on Saturday.

"Something funny is going on"

libxc09@aim.com — 2010-06-03T09:24:51-04:00

......Orlando, sitting on the bed in “his” room, eagerly greeted us this morning with an impatience borne of hunger. His dish was empty and he ate heartily when we filled it. An hour later we returned to find him right at the door, inquisitive about what lay beyond it. We visited a while. He was very affectionate.
......Mercedes, meanwhile, had also been fed and, as usual, showed no affection. Poor thing; she simply doesn’t have in it her. If the day comes, and Mercedes and Orlando become best buddies, will she learn from him how to receive physical attention? We are eager to see.
......Twice more before the morning was over, we visited Orlando. Once he was under the bed; the other time under the covers. He responded to us warmly.
......Orlando’s earlier indication that he might be ready to explore beyond his room prompted us to see if it was so. We put Mercedes in the downstairs bathroom and gave her something to eat.
......Opening the door to Orlando’s room, we called him from the hallway. Within seconds, he appeared from under the bed and walked through the door. For the next 20 minutes, Orlando explored the upstairs bathroom, the stairs to the lower level, and the living room. He sniffed and examined everything. He was cautious but did not seem intimidated except when we approached him to take a photo. Eventually he returned to his room, where we’d left the door open, and walked back in. Concluding he’d had enough for one day, we shut the door.

Orlando explores the living room

Orlando checks out the deck

......Our theory is that Orlando needs to feel reasonably secure in the new home before he has to address the insecurity of meeting Mercedes. Likewise, we believe that Mercedes needs to continue to feel secure in her station as the only cat in the house, but while also beginning to pick up hints — odors, our strange behavior and, eventually, hearing Orlando meow — that another cat is very close.
......Returning to the downstairs bathroom, we opened the door and Mercedes walked quickly out, casting a scornful glance our way. Almost immediately she began to act spooky, as if to say, “Something funny is going on.” If only she knew.

Entry One

libxc09@aim.com — 2010-05-27T15:00:00-04:00

Preface
......Our goal is to integrate a four-year old male cat – Orlando, named after the movie star with the last name Bloom – into our home, where our 10-year old female cat – Mercedes – is queen of the den.

Mercedes

......The necessity is a matter of family. Orlando was raised by our daughter, who married a wonderful man last year who has only one flaw we are aware of — he is allergic to cats. They agreed that a new home would have to be found for Orlando. Our daughter’s former roommate agreed to take him. But she, too, soon married a wonderful man who — alas — had no fondness for cats. The pressure grew for Orlando to find a third home.
......We have always liked Orlando. Unlike Mercedes, who is spectacularly unfriendly almost all the time, Orlando is incredibly relational. Reach down and pet Mercedes, and she will bite you. Orlando, on the other hand, loves attention and responds warmly. The husband of our daughter’s roommate described Orlando as “needy – a cat that craves as much attention as a dog.”
......Though a turn-off to him, this was quite appealing to us – a cat that actually wanted to be petted! The only time Mercedes will even allow you to touch her is when her need for the warmth of your lap exceeds her distaste for your hand on her back or head. Even then, she turns her head to cast the evil eye and dare you to overdo it.
......Long ago we concluded that Mercedes must have experienced trauma as a young kitten. Abandoned by her mother, abused by children…who knows? She simply does not desire attention – except food, of course – and will resist your every effort to show affection.
......So, we agreed to take Orlando.

Orlando

But how to integrate him into our home and somehow achieve a tolerable state of affairs between him and Mercedes.
......That is what this blog is about. We brought Orlando home yesterday and we’d like to share our story – mistakes as well as successes – of how to create co-existence between two adult cats of opposite sex (though both are neutered). We did only a minimal amount of research on how to proceed. We will rely mostly on our knowledge of cat psyche (we’ve owned cats for 30 years) and our instincts.

First Day

......We brought Orlando to our home after an hour and half car ride. He was in his carrier the whole way, which had also served as his own special space in his previous home. He expressed his dislike for the car ride the entire way home. Not unexpected; all our previous cats hated car rides as well.
We decided earlier to put Orlando in one of our spare bedrooms on the main floor of our house, where he would have no contact with Mercedes until we decided the time was right.
......Cats, we knew from previous moving experiences, are horribly intimidated by new surroundings. When we moved Mercedes to our current home six years ago, she quickly vanished from sight. We found her in the downstairs bathroom, sitting on top of the linen cabinet. No amount of coaxing could get her to come down. We brought food and put it a few feet away from her litter box. When we weren’t present, she would come down off the cabinet, eat and toilet, and return. This went on for days.
......Eventually, Mercedes began to venture to other parts of the house. She did not lounge or stay there, she just checked it out, only to return to her perch in the bathroom. As time went on, she began to linger longer in other parts of the house. We moved her feeding station to the kitchen. In due time – several weeks as I recall – she roamed freely throughout the house, spending time wherever it was warm and comfortable.
......So, we were anticipating that Orlando would be similarly intimidated to be in a new place. He was.
We left him in his carrier in the car while we placed his food and water dishes in the room, filled, and set up a clean litter box. While Mercedes was preoccupied with stuffing her face, we took Orlando straight to the bedroom. Mercedes took no note.
......We let Orlando stay in his carrier for about an hour while we attended to other things. When we went back to the room, we opened the carrier door and allowed him to come out. He responded immediately, though cautiously, sniffing and investigating every inch of the way. We petted him and talked soothingly.
After a while, we left the room, leaving the carrier there, with the door open. Everyone, it would seem – cats and humans – slept the night peacefully.

Second Day

......It being Sunday, we slept in, finally arising at about seven-thirty or eight (that’s late for us). After starting the coffee, I entered Orlando’s room. Seeing him nowhere, I got on my knees and looked under the bed. There he was, at the far end near the heat register. I held out my hand and called him. He came immediately. He nuzzled and purred while I petted him. We visited for about 10 minutes and I left the room.
......Mercedes was sitting about 15 feet away when I came out of Orlando’s bedroom. She watched curiously but made no advance toward me. Thinking about breakfast, I assumed. I fed her and she ate some of it, as usual, and went back downstairs where the coal stove provided the temperature she likes.
Throughout the morning, we visited Orlando. Most of the time he was under the bed; once or twice he was sitting on the bed. He immediately came to us, nuzzled and purred, and even went to his food dish to eat.
......We decided to remove Orlando’s carrier from the room, since it didn’t seem to be meeting any obvious need. We put it at the back door and left the door open. We did this deliberately so that Mercedes could discover it in the normal course of walking around the house. Being something new, we expect her to thoroughly investigate it. She has spent most of the time in the room with us, where the stove is. She hates the cold.
......When we visited Orlando in the early afternoon, he had somehow gotten under the bed covers. We peeled them off until we found him. He looked at us as if to say, “I’m pretty smart, aren’t I?” We left him there.
......Our theory is that Orlando needs to become completely comfortable with the room he’s in before we let him know there’s more house to explore. We can’t even think about allowing him and Mercedes to meet until he’s no longer intimidated by the new surroundings. One step at a time. Build his confidence. Avoid an untimely meeting.
......I’m writing this at about two in the afternoon, and Mercedes has yet to show any awareness that Orlando is in the house. I’m not saying she doesn’t know something is a bit different – his odor on us, us going in and out of a bedroom we rarely enter – but she doesn’t seem the least aware that we have begun a process which will dramatically change her life.